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I am no man

"Sleeps with Butterflies"

(A certain Ms. Tori Amos puts it better than I ever could. Words like this are hers. I'm to blame for the rest of it. And for that, I'm sorry. I'll get around to making sense soon.)
Then I look up, sun-glare in my eyes,
Are you having regrets about last night?

Maybe I'm a little too young to be feeling so old about this. But if I minced words and didn't talk about it, I'd still feel it. And hey, why have an on-line journal if not to let your deep dark secrets crawl around a little?
It's a little soon after Papa passed away to be back to normal...
... But yeah, I'm close. If there's one thing this whole grief process is, it's slow and deliberate and relentless.
All that aside, I want to grow up just a little. I can't play Peter Pan forever.
I kindasorta would like to be in love.
you say the word, you know I will find you,
or if you need some time I don't mind

I've never dared to hope for a bed of roses. God knows, if everyone met their soul-mate in High School... Can you get tired of your true love? Can you hate your cosmic twin's snoring? And if not, wouldn't it burn all the fire out of you, having to feel so much so young?
Maybe it's better to be like I am. I've never dated, never been kissed, really. And maybe it'll stay like that.
Ballerinas and strange girls are hard to love, I've heard.
We may fall and stumble upon a carousel,
Heaven knows where it would take us

Worse yet. In a hypothetical question and a conundrum, would it be prince or princess charming?
I haven't the vaguest idea.
I'm not like the girls that you've known,
but I believe I'm worth coming home to

If I were going to throw sense and caution into the wind, maybe I'd try.
I'd hold hands in the hallways, spin through city lanes under streetlights. Maybe we'd run through the forests and skin our knees and laugh like the children we almost were. Maybe we'd braid flowers and etch our names in tree bark.
Or maybe we'd hold on so close so spinning fast we'd fall down. Maybe we'd be together and attached at the hip and finish each other's sentences.
Or maybe we would dance, arabesques and lifts and I would never have to dance the pas de deuxs by myself.
Maybe we would stay far apart, afraid of breaking everything and never so much as breathing when we were close.
This girl only sleeps with butterflies
Or maybe not.
I like that answer best.
Great romances and heart-stopping loves are fine for most people.
But I don't think I'm cut out for it.

Comments

You have just, very poetically, described my whole thought process on that particular subject.

(Yours too, naturally.)

Beautiful, Lililili.
Yes. I feel the same way, but you can say it much more beautifully than I can.
That was beautiful. I'm pretty much on the same page as you with romance, and you put into words what I could never hope to. *mucho luff*
oh god that was gorgeous. I'm so glad you're back.

lili, I believe love comes in many different forms. and everyone is loved, or will be loved by someone else, even if it isn't a heart-stopping, soul-gathering experience. sometimes it is slow and ebbs into your heart.

I myself haven't really experienced true love, although I have had lovers and been kissed. you are so beautiful, and so lucky to be... well, you.
I'm rooting for you with all my entish heart. <3

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